Recently, I came across a leadership blog aimed at women reflecting on their journeys over the past decade. It resonated deeply, taking me back to who I was in 2014โa woman standing on the edge of fear and uncertainty, unsure of what my future held.
That year marked a pivotal chapter in my life. I had just undergone surgery to remove half of my thyroid, and fear consumed me. It wasnโt just the procedure itself but the terrifying possibilities that came with it. Would the surgery damage my vocal cords? Would I lose the ability to singโthe gift that had shaped my career and ministry?
The night before the surgery, I remember sitting in church, knowing that the next day could change everything. My friend prayed over me, her voice calm and reassuring. But inside, fear surrounded me like a thick fog.ย What if I woke up and couldnโt sing? What if my voice was gone forever? What if this was the end of my career as a worship leader and a singer?
I was forced to confront a question: If my worst fear came true, if my voice was gone forever, how would I respond to God? Could I still trust Him?
This wasnโt my first encounter with loss.
Four years earlier, I had faced the heartbreak of a miscarriage and the subsequent surgery that meant I couldnโt have more children. That grief had left me broken, but in the depths of that pain, I had experienced Godโs comfort. Would He meet me again in this new uncertainty?
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During that season, I found myself drawn to the story of the woman in Lukeโs Gospel who believed that if she could touch the hem of Jesusโ garment, she would be healed.
Like her, I didnโt have answers. I only had desperation for peace. But desperation brought me hunger, and hunger brought me to Jesus. Just as He saw her in the crowd, He saw me in my fear and fragility.
That truth changed everything.
It took four long months before I could sing higher notes again and nearly a year before my voice fully returnedโnot just physically but emotionally and spiritually. When it did, I was a different person.
My voice carried more strength and confidence, not because I had improved as a singer but because I had met God in the darkest, most uncertain time of my life.
In His faithfulness, God surrounded me with patient friends, a boss who gave me the space to heal, and a renewed sense of purpose.
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If I could speak to the Patriece of 2014โthe woman standing on the edge of fear and uncertaintyโI would say:
Girlโฆ youโre going to be okay.
Stick with God(Psalm 16:8), even when it feels like everything is unraveling. Donโt let go. Youโre about to find Him in a deeper way than you ever have before. This season will teach you what truly matters and what doesnโt. The fear and desperation of today will transform into something beautiful: a richer faith, a deeper friendship with God, and an unshakable confidence in His presence.
Youโll begin to glimpse freedomโnot just freedom from fear but freedom to become the woman God created you to be. Youโll learn that Jesus valued and celebrated women, even in a world that didnโtโand youโll see how He values and celebrates you. Old fears and expectations will fall away, and youโll let go of the anxious striving that once defined you.
Youโll learn to embrace the truth that blessings and battles often walk hand in hand. Youโll find joy in motherhood, even as the role evolves. Youโll let go of relationships and mindsets that no longer serve you, learning to say no without guilt. And yes, youโll even show up late to a party and give yourself grace for it.
When doubt and fear threaten to overwhelm you, youโll fall to your knees and find God right there with you. He wonโt take away lifeโs difficulties, but Heโll give you the strength to endure them. Heโll deepen the relationships that matter and gently prune the ones that donโt.
And through it all, youโll live by the wisdom that those who know better do better.
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So breathe. Youโre going to come out stronger. Fear and uncertainty will give way to faith and freedom. And when you look back ten years from now, youโll be amazed at the story God wrote in your life.
Hold on. Youโre going to be okay.
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Some fresh music:
I love harmony, and the Eastlake Worship Team did a beautiful job with this triad of Christmas music.
Back story: We had a marathon recording session at Torrey to offer songs to inspire and celebrate Jesus’ birth. This is one of my favorite songs by the former group All Sons & Daughters. It reminds me that Immanuel God with Us isn’t just for the Christmas season but a promise we can hold onto all year long.
Catch all the latest Eastlake Church worship videos HERE.
Happy New Year๐
